THE PLOTLESS HAMSTERS FANFICTION...
by Little green
Summary: This is only a completely ridiculous one shot involving G-boys, hamsters, yaoi lemon in a cotton ball and Operation meteor with a Pecan nut. This is only a completely ridiculous one shot involving G-boys, hamsters, yaoi lemon in a cotton ball and Operatio


Hello!  
  
This fic has avbsolutly nothing to do with the various chapters that I'm supposed to be typing right now, because I'm late in my updates (Sorry Midii-chan!).   
No.   
**This is only a completely ridiculous one shot involving G-boys, hamsters, yaoi lemon in a cotton ball and Operation meteor with a Pecan nut.**   
You've been warned.   
[Midii, you should never have asked me how the hamsters were doing. See what happened... ^___^]   
As much as I'd love you people to leave a review, I will understand if you can't find the words to comment this pathetic piece of work. (Is it really work? Most likely not, anyway!)   
  
Ah, and I'm also supposed to tell you that I don't own Gundam wing. But I do own two hamsters (Treize and Duvet 03) and a green cage, which allows me to say that this fic is based on a very serious (???) analysis of my hamsters' mores. If some of you have hamsters too, I'm almost certain that they will recognize some typical hamster behaviors. Really.   
  
  
  
  


*~* THE PLOTLESS HAMSTERS FANFICTION, JUST FOR MIDII-CHAN! *~*

  
  
  
  
  


*~* Prologue *~*

  
  
  
"MWUAHHAHAHAH!!!"   
  
An Evil, insane and Twinkies induced laugh resounded in the dark laboratory. The mad scientist looked at the monstrous weapon standing before him. The ultimate mean of destruction. Powerful enough to get rid of all evil! And then mushrooms would rise and rule instead of humans!!   
  
At that point, my dearest readers, you must have understood that Professor G had completely lost it.   
  
The crazed scientist ran away in the moonless night, carrying his abominable snowm... Uh, creation on his back. Soon the war would be over, for there wouldn't be any pilot left to fight it! Mwuahahah!!   
  
He hopped silently on a roof - How? I can't tell, really... - and took a pair of binoculars. It was perfect. Thanks to an obvious and gross plot convenience, the Five Gundam pilots were all reunited in the same safe house, for an obscure reason, and - surprise, surprise! - not far away, Colonel Zechs Merquise and General Treize Kushrenada, from OZ, were waiting for them to go to sleep, to launch an attack.   
  
Certain to get them all, the delirious mushroom pulled out a black weapon that look very much like Heero's usual handgun. But no!! It' wasn't a handgun!! It was a Prefab-Alternative-Universe-Nuclear-convertible-Heater!! (P.A.U.N.C.H) You don't understand what it means, uh? He didn't either. But he was about to use it!!   
  
A bright green ray of light hit the tiny safe house where the five pilots were sleeping, and, conveniently bouncing against a tree, it also hit Treize and Zechs...   
  
  


*~* Caged! *~*

  
  
  
Trowa woke up feeling slightly... Furry. He felt like his arms and legs were smaller than before, and he didn't remember having such a plump belly before. Even stranger, he soon realized that he was sleeping completely naked, huddled in something that appeared to be a mixture of cotton and wood shavings. How weird. He shook his head, thinking he was probably still dreaming, and tried to sleep some more. He yawned, scratched his tiny furry tail and... Wait? A TAIL?!! He jumped out of his wood shavings nest, only to discover the horrible truth : HE WAS IN A CAGE!! A BIG GREEN CAGE!!   
  
Attempting to regain his composure, he explored his new body thoroughly, took a circular look at his surroundings, and reality dawned on him : He, his fellow pilot and enemies had been turned into a bunch of tiny hamsters.   
  
He spotted Wufei, pedalling like a madma- Uh, well, like a mad hamster in a yellow plastic wheel. He seemed to be content with his new status, for his face showed nothing except intense concentration. He had obviously found a goal in his life, Trowa thought. At that precise moment, Wufei went beyond the limits of his small body and was ejected from the plastic toy by the centrifugal force, making a 360° loop, and landing in the wood shavings, his lil' paws still fuming.   
  
"INJUSTICE!!" He squealed, before returning to his "mission".   
  
Duo wasn't far, sprawled in a cotton ball, stuffing his cheeks with corn and oat. Seeing Trowa, he scurried about, loosing a few grains of corn in the process. "Mwhey! Twowa!!" He swallowed. "Isn't this so cool?"   
  
Trowa sweatdropped. "Duo... You're a hamster."   
  
"So what?"   
  
"It's not right." Trowa explained.   
  
"Why? It's cool. You should go there, someone stocked enough food to feed us all!" Duo grinned.   
  
"Stocked?" Trowa asked, surprised.   
  
"Yeah, in the cotton." Duo huffed.   
  
"W... Who?" Trowa questioned.   
  
"Heero, I think." The happy fur ball sighed.   
  
"Wait a minute. You STOLE Heero's stock??" Trowa squealed.   
  
"You mean..." Duo began, his little tail twitching in fear.   
  
"If Heero was the perfect soldier... He has probably become..." Trowa whispered, "THE PERFECT HAMSTER!! DUO!!! RUN!!"   
  
But it was too late. For Heero had listened to the whole exchange, hanging from the bars with his muscled little paws. He let himself fall from the cage's "ceiling" and tackled Duo, biting him with a look of pure hate in his cute chibi eyes. Duo lost the food he had been carrying, and Heero kept biting him and squealing his rage until poor Duo was nothing more than a tiny bloody mess, huddled in his cotton ball. Sob...   
  
At Duo's screams of distress, something seemed to stir and squirm under another pile of the suspicious mix of cotton, wood shavings, oat and tiny droppings.  
" [Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnns] It... Hurts... My belly... and my soul..."   
  
Quatre was more or less awake.   
Trowa immediatly ran to him, afraid that his little one's spaceheart wouldn't be able to handle the shock of having become a...   
  
"Allah! Trowa!!! We're..."   
  
"I know-"   
  
"Trowaaaaaa!! We're not Gundam pilots anymore!! Then we can love each other freely!" The golden furball squealed.   
  
Trowa sweatdropped. That wasn't exactly the reaction he had expected.   
  
"Aren't you upset?" Trowa asked cooly, all the while fighting the strange, almost physical, attraction he suddenly felt for this blue plastic wheel.   
  
"Why?" Quatre chirped, stuffing his cheeks with corn.   
  
For the second time, Trowa stated the obvious. "You're a hamster."   
  
Quatre's only response was to drag Trowa in the cotton nest, his little eyes shimmering with...   
  
Reproductive intent.   
  
I'll spare you the details of the lemon(s), mostly because I'm not exactly sure how two chibi hamsters can develop a satisfying yaoi relationship. And anyway, Quatre had already made sure that the cotton and the wood shavings were hiding their activities from our hentai peering. Now you could only guess what was happening, at the various high-pitched squeals, and the way the fragile cotton nest trembled from time to time.   
  
Anyway! Back to Duo, who was licking his wounds, after having realized that Heero would NOT share, and that he would have to build his own nest and make his own stocks. Or not.   
  
He spotted Treize and Zechs, fighting each other for dominance (and for a huge pecan nut, too) and his violet eyes gleamed with mischief. Their nests were empty. Time for a raid.   
  
"Trieze! Now we shall be ennemies!!"   
  
"Zechs... How sad I have to kill you... THE NUT WILL BE MINE!!!"   
  
Ignoring Duo's tiny form, Treize and Zechs were biting each other's tails enthusiastically, trying to protect the Pecan nut at the same time.  
After a few long minutes, Zechs won, because -ever being the strategist- he had decided to go ahead with Operation meteor and drop the Pecan nut on Treize, crushing him viciously, like a bug.   
  
However, his satisfaction didn't last long, for, when he went back to his nest, he found all his oat stocks were gone. Now that called a war.   
  
You'd like to know what happened next? Well you won't.   
  
Just kidding.   
  
_ Fact is that there is not much to say about it. As you can guess, the hamster-pilots started a new war, 'The Oak wars', with Zechs fighting against Treize, himself fighting against the Gundam hamsters, who were fighting Zechs, who was fighting against Tr... Etc.   
  
Heero was happy that he could have missions again, like hazelnuts bombardments or lightning strikes against Zechs's nest.   
  
No one ever found out that all this was Duo's fault in the first place, which allowed him to gladly become the God of nuts once again.   
  
Trowa and Quatre never produced a litter, but God they tried (very) hard.  
  
Wufei fought for Justice, convinced that it was all Treize's fault anyway._   
  
  
  
  


* * *

He he he!! R & R, if you liked it! 


End file.
